Satire: Imran Khan discovers laughing gas worth more than $201 trillion


LAHORE: In a bold bid to defeat his junior stalwart Murad Saeed’s (in)famous $200 billion news, Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf Chairman (and also prime minister) Imran Khan has announced that the nation is going to hear good news in three weeks. Leaving it to the imagination of the audience that the good news carries $201 billion or $200 trillion sum, Mr Khan said the news would change the fate of the nation forever. As soon as the TV channels ran the tikers of the statement, the whole nation went berserk.

The prime minister said during his interaction with senior journalists and owners of newspapers on Thursday the offshore drilling for oil in the Arabian Sea was in final stages and there could be a major find. “I implore that we all pray that Pakistan gets this natural resource in substantial quantity.” His appeal was answered with a great fervor and the whole nation (read Bani Gala) kept offering prayers. This news, however, did not go well with some circles.

As soon as the prime minister announced the possibility of natural resources deposits discovery in the Arabian Sea, the Oil and Gas Authority announced increasing the prices of natural by 200 per cent and petroleum products by 100 percent. Predicting their job in danger after the discovery of huge oil and gas reservoirs and the provision of the utilities at cheaper rates, Ogra authorities struck the public for the last time with petrol and gas bombs, said the public circles.

The public, however, was unfazed by the Ogra attack. They have been flocking petrol pumps and filling up their motorcycle and car tanks with their usual orders – Rs100 and Rs1,000.

On the other hand, Murad Saeed was also happy at the discovery of oil and gas reserves in Pakistan. “Look, now we don’t need to worry about $200 billion stashed in offshore and foreign banks because we don’t want to put efforts to retrieve that ill-gotten money for our kids. Now, our kids will play with bundles of Petr-dollars,” he smiled at a public rally somewhere in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.

State Minister for Climate Change Zartaj Gul did not give credit to herself for the likely discovery of the oil and gas reserves. She said since she was the minister of climate change, so the climate was going to change gradually.

“First, there was lots of rain in February and March, thanks to me being the climate change minister,” she said very humbly, showing visible signs of humility. “To some extent, my leader Imran Khan is also responsible because he is the chief executive of the government of Pakistan, and of course, he appointed me the junior minister for climate change.”

When asked when the climate of her constituency, plagued with poverty, disease and dirt, in Dera Ghazi Khan would change, she smiled ear and ear, which changed the climate of the venue, and the reporter did not press her for comment.

Disclaimer: This is a piece of satire.     

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